Powerful And Unpolished

Good day. Welcome to Powerful and Unpolished. I'm Tim Salmans. I'm your host. We have a very divine guest and that's one of my favorite words is divine. And this is one of my favorite people. I like to connect with. my guest today is guest Clora Romero, and she is an, how can I say? Insurance property casualty expert savant.

I don't know how savant she is, I trust her, so that's pretty savant in my world. So welcome, Clora. Thank you for joining us. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. as with a lot of these, sessions when we do the podcast is it's like business with a slice of life, but really it's more like a slice of business with life, like We really like to dig into, what's, important, what's there to consider, what you know, because, we get so much life experience and today you get to share your life experience. So before we. Get going on the personal stuff. I want to ask you tell us a little bit about your background in, Insurance and why, insurance?

Sure. so I am currently with a farmer's insurance agency and I have actually, so my current agency I've been with for about a little over a year and a half now. I'm actually getting ready to transfer over to, a different agency with a different agent, which is nice 'cause I was work, my commute was quite far because when I got on with that job, it was in the area that I lived and then I moved.

And so that's been a little bit challenging for the past year, but, with different, life changes, it's, it is, a bittersweet thing because I really loved, my team and the agency that I worked for. and so we really built something special with that. But, as life happens, it forces you to change seats.

Yeah. Sometimes even when you don't want to. and yeah, so I'm moving a little bit closer, a location closer to home, which will be just a better balance. Even though I miss, my old team and stuff, it's, it just seemed like it was the. The right next step for me. but I've been with farmers in total because, so years ago I worked for, another district, a district in Colorado, and I was a recruiter with them.

And then, through that I met another agent that I was A CSR with. So I've all together, it's probably been about, five or six years total in insurance. so I left, insurance and then came back, after. Doing dabbled in a few different things. I worked in HR and I was a full-time substitute teacher for a few years and, yeah, it's, I've kind done a little bit of everything.

So I gotta ask you this question then. So being a substitute teacher, and how substitute teachers get beat up, is it still easier to handle the substitute kids rather than some of your clients? No. Just kidding. Yeah, no, because. kids are savage. Oh, at least at, when you're an adult, we've come to some kind of social decorum, right?

Hopefully kids don't care. So they're just, they're just honest and they're just blunt and in your face. So they're, they can be a lot Brutal. Brutal. Yeah. go on. I'm sorry, I didn't wanna interrupt you. Oh, no, you're fine. so yeah, I had the opportunity, no, I was in the schools. I was, teaching and I got stuck in a.

Middle school social studies classroom for pretty much an entire semester. and that's what did it for me 'cause I was like sixth, seventh, and eighth graders. they're, tough. they give you a run for your money for sure. So I was at the point, at the time, so my neighbor, He was my friend and he was the agent that I'm working for now. And he knew that I had worked for farmers before and so we'd always joked that, he was like, I'm gonna get you to come work for me. And eventually it just worked. I was at a crossroads where it was like, do I go back to school and get my teaching certificate and do this?

and then I got into that, social studies classroom. I was like, I don't know if I wanna do this, long term. So I, ended up. Getting hired on with him. And so that was, yeah, that's several years, a couple years, two and a half years ago now. it was a great change. like I said, love my team and I've learned a lot about the industry.

being in it for this long, I think my role changed a little bit. 'cause originally it was more on the customer service side and doing, more admin stuff. And then, my boss and my, The office manager, I think they really saw that I was, I'm very social.

they saw that was a strength or something that they could utilize and, changed my role a little bit. And so they told me that they wanted me to be out networking more and meeting people. And so that's when my role shifted into being more like outside of the office, creating those relationships and stuff.

And I really feel. that's, I've always been in a role that's been pretty customer facing. I love people. I love helping them and I love working with them. And like I said, I'm super social, and I'm extroverted, so it's really easy for me to walk into a room of people I don't know and be fine and make friends and connections.

And so that really blossomed for me into the role that I'm in, that I really enjoy. And even though insurance isn't the most, Interesting topic to talk about or explore. It's still something that everybody needs, and I used it as an opportunity to be able to create these relationships with people and make sure that they feel taken care of and comfortable.

in the insur there's so many changes that, you know, with the industry that people as a whole don't really understand or know. So for me to be able to take on that. Nurturing role and say, okay, let's talk about this. This is what's happening, this is why, and then we can be friends and hang out.

And I'm not, and I'm not like your typical insurance person either. Probably I don't, I'm not as suit and like I wear bright colors and on my glasses or sparkly and stuff. So I think it's, I like to think that I try to bring a different level of, Comfort and yeah.

you've got some style. You got some style too. Yeah, you've got some Thank you. Part of Thank you. It's part of your brand new, not only, business wise, but personally. Thank you. Yeah. So it just, it just clicked for me and I've really enjoyed, Getting I my most important, like I had built relationships and have met so many amazing people.

You being one of them. I know when I sat next to you at a, at eWomen, we talked about Star Wars and I was like, oh, we're, this is my, your friend. We're gonna go there. We'll go there in, in a few minutes. Yeah. but it's just been amazing being able to meet all these people and that's, I think.

there's so many different networking things and ways to network and I think at the core of it, it really is just about relationships and, meeting people. And once they feel comfortable right with you and they know you, then you know the other bi the business comes after that. But, I just, I love my job is just basically meeting people and creating those relationships and everything else follows.

And that skill base crosses borders. it works wonderful in, your industry now. It works wonderful. And almost all the other industries out there and, whether you're in, software, yeah. it's, a huge asset to be able to relate to people And not get hung up.

so good for you. That's, thank you. Let me ask you this, and then we'll jump to the personal stuff. Okay. What are some trends that you're noticing right now in insurance? Because as you can tell. most of our listeners are realizing that there's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the world right now with all of the different, businesses and stock market and politics and all that kinda stuff.

So how's that influencing insurance? Yeah, so obviously you have the department of insurance, all of that, right? Comes from the top. And so in the state of Colorado right now, we're seeing pretty. a good amount of increases in premium in general. Obviously we just had, the huge forest fires that happened in California.

that was a big thing that happened this year. we get fires here as well, but it wasn't as big as the California one. and luckily we, I mean we've had a couple, like smaller ones happen this year in the state, but a few years ago, the Marshall Fire that hit actually pretty close to where my office is.

we had several clients that were affected. With by that directly. but I think the big thing is, people. As a whole, aren't necessarily understanding the increases in premium and why that's happening. it's really hard 'cause, we get customers that call in all the time and ask why is my rate going up?

I didn't file any claims and I didn't do any, any of this. And I've been with farmers for 20 years and at first things first. We're just the agency. We have nothing to do with the rate increase. It all comes down from the top and the underwriting and, how that all gets put into place.

So when, you're calling and yelling at your insurance agents, please don't do that. 'cause we have zero control over that. But, it's just understanding the climate, it's understanding that, obviously, inflation has been a big buzzword for the past year or so. We've had crazy increases in everything.

so when you think about things like insurance, Obviously gas prices, things like that, is all tied together in the cost of living and everything. So if you're gonna see in, increases in everything else, why wouldn't your insurance kind of follow suit? We also live in a pretty high risk state.

even though, I know we're not one of the coast states that, get hurricanes and get things like that, but we still have the forest fires, that happen pretty often. And then, hail, we are big for hail here. And it, I think what the industry is doing now is they're backtracking a little bit because they weren't as good at managing the claims.

So for a while there. People were just filing claims without, and not that they didn't have cause necessarily, but it became something like, oh, we got a hailstorm and there's a little bit of ha damage. Let's file the claim. And so then there became this trend of people filing smaller claims that weren't necessary.

And so now we're in a place where people are getting dropped because they have too many claims. Yeah. And the insurance. So it's backfiring a little bit because they should have been managing. The industry is like the department of insurance, the insurance companies, all of these people should have probably been managing that years ago and, but now they're like, crap, this isn't sustainable.

Now we have. It's billions of dollars in claims in one state from one storm. I think. I was looking up some stats. There was like one storm last year, just one from 2024 that cost like $2 billion in damages in claims. And that's just one storm from the year. yeah, so when you think about that as a sustain.

Sustainable model. It doesn't, the insurance industry, it's not making money. So now they're like, okay, how do we get back to that? So they're increasing premiums. That's why we see increases, because the chances of us having another hailstorm every year that's gonna blow through a part of town is pretty high.

'cause it usually happens over here. and let's. part of the reason why the work that we do, at Insights For Choice and here on Powerful and Unpolished, is it's really about how do we as individuals own our, power? How do we, and part of owning our power is getting real with the situation.

Part of the reason why your rates are going up is 'cause it's so easy for people to file claims right now if your rate goes up. You're less likely to go, oh, I'm just gonna go file a claim. 'cause I, I only have a deductible for, 2,500. I only have a deductible for $5,000, whatever it is.

and there's been a lot of people who have been convinced and, I'm sorry, this may upset some people out there, but there are some people who make their living, hustling. Selling roofs, selling, any sort of, nothing bad or wrong against that, but when you're talking to a homeowner that isn't very savvy and they're, Hey, we have a claim here, we can get the insurance to do this.

Yeah, but you're going to pay that claim. The homeowner, you are going to pay that claim. You may have a claim if you want, but it may not in the big picture, be worth you filing that claim. And It's not necessarily on the contractors trying to make a living, just 'cause they can find something for you to file a claim on doesn't mean that it's in your best interest as a policy holder to do that.

A hundred percent. Am I off base or is this. No, you're, that's, the nail on the head, honestly, because I think the biggest part of my job is educating, let's educate and, I will be the first one to admit, like before I get got into the industry, like I didn't understand insurance, I didn't understand claims and how all of it worked, It was just kinda like another foreign language to me. but now that I have the education, I know how it works. Now I'm able to make those educated decisions. And so it's all, it's up to all of us, right? And that goes for. Anything in life. But it's not really an excuse to be like, I didn't really know.

Because it, it is our job to know how that works. And so And it's also important, and that's why I push, it's so important to have an agent. I know that there's companies out there that don't have the business model where they have, independent agents where you can just call in to a one 800 number and they handle all of that.

Yes, you get cheaper rates that way. 'cause they're cutting out the middleman. But you also get what you paid for. You don't always have that person. Like all of my people, all of my clients have my, my email, my phone number, they have me on Facebook, whatever it is, and I'm, chronically attached to my phone pretty much like 90% of the time.

So you can reach me and if they have a question about a claim or something, they can get in touch with me and I am that. Point of contact for them. Nice. You don't have that if you're calling, if you have Geico or a Progressive or something like that. and so it's important that you have an agent that you can work with that you trust, and that is knowledgeable with that stuff because they can say, you know what, yes, someone came out here.

checked my roof. and you, they can send you people that they trust because there are a lot of, and like you said, some people might not like this, but it is the truth. There's a lot of contractors, and roofers and things out there that aren't on the up and don't have your best interest and mind and are just, and are trying to make money, right?

So they're gonna say, yeah, you need a roof, but do you, really, do you need to file that claim? You might be able to make it another year, or two before you really need to do that. It's important that you have that agent that can one, help you determine if you need to do the claim and can help you through that process.

But two, that can refer you people that they trust and that will give you, that will put your best interest, in front of their pocket. They're the bottom line. that's the main thing with the premiums, is because it's just become, Claim filing claims. And because it's so common anymore that now they're trying to make money back from that.

So that's been a big thing. And then the other thing are the deductibles for wind and Hill. Like farmers is a base of a standard of 2%, wind and hail deductible, which means 2% of your dwelling coverage. So that can vary depending on your house. If you have a $500, $500,000 dwelling coverage, 10% of that is 5,000, right?

So double it, $10,000 deductible for your roof. and it's, it's hefty. they're having, like I said, they're having to make that money back from so many years of. Claims. And so now they're like, crap, we have to figure this out. So now that oh, go ahead. I just wanna jump in there too.

Is, yeah. Is some of the listeners are gonna be like, yeah. The insurance company wants to make money. It's like going, oh, every business out there strives to make money. it's called the free market for a reason. and a lot of times people get all up in a lather over situations, and like you said, it's myself included.

I wasn't one of those people that's like going, I want to go buy insurance. I wanna go pay a premium. I wanna go pay. no, I don't wanna do that and I don't wanna have to use my insurance. 'cause insurance, if you really think about it, which a lot of people, some don't. The whole idea for insurance is insurance for an emergency, for catastrophe, for, and.

I, I'd say the way people are driving nowadays, I see more people drifting all over the place 'cause of them and their phones and you're like going, I'm like going, you can't even tell the drunk drivers anymore. There's so many people on their phone. It's I know. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah.

So, this is the, this is what you get to work in and deal with. and so thank you for. giving us some highlights on, what to expect. And I would, let me ask you this. if you do have an agent out there, they're probably busy as all get out, but still, give yourself permission to ask questions.

Ask questions of your agent, help get that education, like Clora was saying. Yeah, absolutely. that's why we're here, essentially. And if you're with an agent that doesn't wanna do that for you, you're not with the right agent. Yeah, So it's, yeah, it's just about, we're all busy, right?

We all have our jobs and bus businesses and all the things, but that's our job. that's what we're supposed to do. And if you have somebody that one doesn't return your phone calls or you can't get ahold of, or when you ask questions like. They don't really give you an answer, things like that. Like you're with the wrong agent.

there are great agents out there, and that's across the board. that's not just with farmers, there's great agents, Allstate State Farm, all the things I know that we have those rivalry or whatever. But at the end of the day, if you have a good agent with good coverage, that's what matters so well and feel good about your insurance company.

'cause the other aspect, I, years and years ago I was, I was on the dark side. I actually. Did, estimate audits for oh, insurance and so as an adjuster and, feel good about the company you belong to. Yeah. Feel good about the agent that you belong to. And also if you're gonna be with the company, I, it wasn't farmers, but there was one company that has a very good reputation.

for in the market. They have a good reputation for, Selling their insurance, but they, they didn't have very good at taking care of their customers. And it was just like, make sure that if you're with someone and you don't care for the business that they do, then shop around. That's why it is a free market.

But if you're with someone who is, providing customer service, helping to educate you. That's, they're helping to take care of you, right? So make sure that give them that respect and give yourself that respect. Definitely. let's transition, 'cause I, this is where, I want to you, you've had, you've had an interesting year, and a half, right?

Yeah. To say the least. Okay. Whatever you're willing to share. But what I wanna ask is this question over the last year and a half and, I think a lot of the country has had their own sort of version of the last year and a half. what do you think the last year and a half has been teaching you?

Ooh, I think it has. Really taught me about my relationships and the people, that I surround myself with, are super important and honestly, I think crucial to, you transitioning into a new part of life or all the changes that come, with different things. I guess a little bit of background.

So I went through a divorce. From my ex, and it was finalized in April. So it's been a couple months out at this point, but it was pretty long and drawn out. and it was pretty, it wasn't just a divorce piece. so there were, Domestic violence charges and things like that. So it was an intense, year and a half of healing and transitioning and figuring out like what the crap is going on.

I don't, am I wanna say that, I dunno. Sure. That one. Absolutely. I guess we're cussing, so we're gonna talk. We're here to be real. So don't, honestly, that's what it felt like. It was just like, what is going on? and so for me. it really feels and anybody that's been through a divorce or even a really bad breakup or whatever, you, can tell the shift within yourself.

For sure. But the external shift that happens, from losing family members, losing support systems that you thought were support systems friends, right? All of those things. When that happens, it's. In general, there seems to be like, okay, we kinda have to pick sides, right? So it's, you're going one way or the other, but it's even a little bit more complicated when you have my situation with, the domestic violence and all of that.

it, makes it a lot more complicated, I think, for people, because then at that point I think people feel conflicted about picking, I, don't know. It's weird just from what I've learned is some people don't really feel comfortable even picking sides at that point. And so then they just bow out and then they just like.

Ghost and you don't, and I'm like, that's really strange that happened. 'cause for me it's really black and white. And I think for, you think for a lot of people it would be, but. you just never know how people are gonna react or respond in that way. you lose a lot of, people that you trusted or thought were, would support you or on your side.

and that can be, not only are you grieving that, death of that relationship or whatever, but you're also grieving kind of those relationships that went with it too. So it's a big, Domino effect. But through that, at the same time as you're losing people, you're also gaining people.

So I was in the place where I'm like, okay, I need to completely rebuild my circle. Like I completely, my, most of my family doesn't live in state. I only have, my sister that lives here. So my brothers and sisters and everybody, they're out of state. So I didn't really have a huge support system, other than, a few like close friends that kinda stuck through it with me.

But then I also moved, across I was way up north and now I'm like pretty far south. I was like, okay, now I have to re rebuild my support. So during this time is when I started and I was actually for work. Like I started joining all these networking groups, dots and, eWomen and was all part of that.

But I started meeting these amazing people that were not only. it was like working, but at the same time, it, really felt like God was bringing these people into my life to help shuffle me through this transition and through this period. And that's how it felt sometimes. it literally felt it was like, okay, we're gonna pick up one foot and put it forward today.

And we're gonna just take a step and, as grieving and, things like that go. Like it can be really, Challenging, right? it's one step forward, 2 cents back. But as long as you're moving forward and making progress, that's what matters. But I really do feel, I found this quote, online one day that was, that said your people didn't show up for you.

So I sent strangers and then it said God, or the universe, or, however you connect to that message. But for me, that was really profound because I, really did feel like I lost. A lot of people that my people. And so for all these people to come into my life that were strangers at, first meeting 'em, and now at this point it's like a year and a half out and they're my friends and they check in on me and all of these things.

It's It was really cool to see that. And it also opened my eyes to how important your support system is in whatever you're going through in life. whether it's personal challenges, business challenges, whatever's happening. those people, your circle like helps you, brings you through that.

and you do need, especially for me. Being an extrovert and getting ener, I get energy from my relationships and they've always been, I've always been someone that really connect, I love, like nourishing and pruning and pro like with my relationships with my people. It's super important to me.

And I'm usually, I, send out, if I don't talk to my friends for a while, I'm sending out text message and just checking in or, things like that. I think it's super important too. Really, it's like a plant and I'm actually, it's not a good because I kill plants, but you're watery not good at keeping plants alive.

and it's probably not a great analogy, but in a theoretical sense, you're good keeping relationships alive, right? Yes, I can do that. Oh yeah. And I have two kids so I can keep them alive too, so that's good. That's good. you really are like your trimming the leaves and you're watering, the soil.

All of these things that it takes to really nurture a relationship and stay, attacked. I feel like that's always been something that, I've been good at and has been really important to me. So when I felt like I was in a place where I was alone, it was a little bit scary. But, being able to find these people and for them to come into my life, it made the biggest difference in My transition and my healing even. and Tim, you were part of that too. For sure. thank you. Yeah. Yep. And one thing I wanna highlight though too, is these people did come into your life. They did come into your space. Yes. You also created them to be there, like you created this space. whether they were there, whether they were strangers, whether they were friends or work colleagues or whatever they were.

Yes. The universe, God brought them into your space. Part of the reason why it was brought into your space is because you created an opening for it to be there and you also engaged when they showed up. Like a lot of times people, it's it's this concept. They will ask for what they want as they're like putting their hand up to deny, because, this isn't how it's done, this isn't how I've done it in the past.

Sure. So I just want to acknowledge you for the fact that you, you put, you picked one foot up, put it forward, you were, the two steps forward, one step back kind of thing, but you were still progressing, you were still moving forward and you were staying open. everything that we do, I say this on these podcasts, I say this when I work with clients.

I say this because it's, an actual fact. Everything we do is an energy exchange. We exchange energy. We are energy. if you've ever been around an immediate body that once had life in it, and then now it doesn't, you understand that there is an energy that has shifted. And so you actually had this aspect of, you were challenging in challenging situations.

And you still stayed open to progress, you still stayed open. That's what I'm hearing you say. Is that fair to say? Yeah. yeah. I, would hope so. I, that was my goal. I don't know, when you think about. You're like, when you think about your progress and stuff, you're always really hard on yourself.

we're, critics. So when I, look back, I think, oh yeah. I think I, did a pretty good job trying to, move the needle on that. But then when you're in the middle of it, you're really critical of it. You're like, oh, if I could just be doing better or if, if, this could just move a little bit faster.

Things that you criticize a little bit. But I think looking back, and it's hard to give yourself compliments too, right? I'm, really cringey for me at least. I don't like being like, good job, flora. But I wanna, highlight that not only for you. I wanna highlight that for the listen.

Yeah, absolutely. Because the aspect is, over the last year and a half, over the last 10 years or whatever, but especially over the last year and a half, there's been a lot of people, transitioning now that we're. Outta the pandemic and we're back into our daily lives. But are we really, and oh, we have this, political thing that's changed and oh, we have tariffs and oh, the market's down.

Oh, the market's up. it's like we, we've, bounced into this bipolar kind of like societal influence. And the reason why I just highlight this is as you were continuing to move forward. Some people are moving forward, but they're doing it grudgingly. They're like, ah, it's not what I want, and, but I get it.

It's not what you want and it's okay to be with what you know. Hey, voice it. It's not what you want. But if you continue to harp on it and continue to build up the energy of that, then you're the only one that's holding yourself back. No. You're the one that's actually causing all the horrible, oh, this and that.

It's like I, I had someone yesterday go to this doesn't work, so everything doesn't work. it was like they were having this emotional response, in my space, and I was like going, I said to 'em, I was like, you can believe that all you want. I don't believe that. And do me a favor, keep that to yourself if that's what you wanna choose to In, entertain. Yeah. And. This person actually thanked me. They were like going, thank you. I'm glad it's not everything. It's not always. It's not. Yeah. it's like I, and, I felt for this person because I get it, they're, they were, they're in a spot where they're not just, they're struggling.

Sure. And but we don't need to add fuel and gasoline to a fire that's already burning. Yeah. And we do that a lot. it's our. human nature has a tendency that, of all of our thoughts, I think the majority of them oftentimes are fearful or negative or considered to be negative.

Yeah. And even if that's the case, if you're still responsible for your thoughts, then you can be responsible for whether they're positive or not.

I would jump to for you, I wanna ask you this question. what's the biggest aha that you've had in the last year and a half? I know you shared some of them, but what's wow. I never really, this was like a while. Yeah. yeah. there's probably been a lot, but I think the thing that came to mind first was, as you mentioned, like humans tend to be there are natural responses to go to. Like the glass is half empty, right? So it's very negative and and I, I definitely am guilty of that. I have good days, but we have bad days too, right? So we all go through those moments where we're in that space.

I think the most important thing is that you're doing what you can to get out of that. you give yourself grace. I think that's one of the biggest things is like. I've had to extend so much grace to myself throughout this situation because, I'm not always gonna respond the right way or think the right way, Or do the things through this. But as long as I'm trying and, Tomorrow's a, there's a new day, right? The sun rises and there's a new day. So you always have a chance to get back on track and do that. But, the biggest thing for me, so I have, as I mentioned, I have two, two kids, nine and almost 10.

And then, three, she'll be four in next week, actually A week. Wow. A week from today or tomorrow. And, that's been one of the hardest things through this time is, and anybody that's been in this situation, divorce is hard with kids. Too. But, with my situation, it's, complicated with the kids when they're involved.

And my son who's older, it's definitely affected him, a little bit more 'cause he understands more, right? He, my, she was, two at the time, so she's just kind living her best life. She doesn't really, this is her norm at this point, right? So she doesn't really know, but. For me, coming from, and growing up, like I, I definitely didn't have, the best childhood, I would say.

there's some trauma there as well, but I always I, wanted to, the way I was the mother that I became and the way that I did things, I wanted it to be different than what I knew and what I grew up with. And so when I look at my situation now with my kids, there's a lot of guilt there that comes with that because I feel like.

I didn't do my job in trying to, keep them from those things and from the bad things. and someone actually told me, I was in another, networking group, and she shared something that was that was an aha moment. And in a light bulb that was like, you can't protect your kids from everything.

You can't protect them from their testimony. and that for me was like, oh, because as parents. All we wanna do is protect our kids, right? From all the bad things in the world and all the crappy things that happen. That's part of our job is to, keep them safe. But at the end of the day, you can't, right?

unless you can't be with your kid 24 7 and once they go into being an adult, right? Like you can't be with them when they're an adult 24 7. So there's gonna be things that happen and, things that shape their. their life and their testimony and things like that, that I don't, I don't love the idea of them having trauma from this situation, but the reality is it happens and it did happen.

and all you can do is, pray that Become some kind of positive, lesson for them that they use it for good in the future, right? They have some kind of awareness around it, education, those types of things. But I think that was the biggest thing for me because, as I'm sitting here as a parent trying to fight tooth and nail for the protection of my kids, at the end of the day, there's only so much control that you have and you, you still have to accept that you're doing the best that you can.

And as long as you're doing your job as a parent and still fighting for them. Bad things are still gonna come. it's right. We live in a world where bad things happen and it's, good and evil and it's, this whole kind of battle on a daily basis. And even though they're kids, they're still gonna go through that stuff.

And so that kind of helped take a little bit of pressure off of me in the sense where I'm like, I, there's only so much, and it's a control thing, right? We want to control everything. We want to say, think that we have a say in it all, but we don't. And where does the control come from? Or the need. The need to control.

The need to control. I'm trauma. Sure. It's trauma, When you can't control something and then you become like hyper, then you're like, okay. But yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. It's I love what you're saying. yeah. And for years it's, I'll correlate to what you just shared. 'cause what you just shared is very powerful and I love that.

And I love the, What, the, this colleague had shared with you. That insight is powerful. Yeah. And it's really, if we think about it, if we think about every human being on this path, on this, planet has a path. If we protected them from everything, I don't know that they're gonna grow much on their path.

Yeah. And I liken it to, The, story of the butterfly, coming out the cocoon. And the, I don't know if it's a parable or where I heard it, but it's, there was a cocoon and it started to break open. And, this child wa was watching this and watching the butterfly, getting close to, breaking free from the cocoon.

And so the child wanted to help it, and the child opened up the cocoon. And what ended up happening was the butterfly fell to the ground and died. And the lesson that was taught to the, child was because the butterfly didn't have the full experience of, emerging and growing, the strength of breaking out of the, cocoon on their own, they were weakened to the point that they couldn't survive.

We can have all the best intentions in the world and parents wanna protect their kids, they wanna save their kids. But I've said this to a number of clients over the years, but if you keep stealing their lessons,

you're really actually hurting them and don't realize it. Yeah. And it's that aspect of we don't wish bad things on our kids. We don't. The other aspect is rather than focus on the incident, what if you focused on the skill of the child and their ability to respond? to have something bad happen and not become sour and bitter and, negative in life.

I know way too many, I'm in my fifties. I know way too many people in their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, crotchety old people. Yeah. And they have every right righteous justification and story for that, but I hardly ever hear them take responsibility for their participation in what Created that because they don't take responsibility for it. Yeah. And there are other people that we see that, on viral videos and all this kind of stuff where it's yeah, this person did what they had to do and. People are like, oh, wow, that's inspiring. I love that. That's, I wanna acknowledge that, I wanna share that.

I wanna, the people who, did the viral video or, did the, positive experience, maybe they weren't in the position to where it was like going, Hey, I'm gonna go be a, everything is, lining up great for me to go be a hero today, for people. Yeah. Or whatever the case is.

And It's really just realizing that we actually have that power and like you were saying, is, having that awareness that, you can't control everything and that this is part of their path and this is gonna help grow some of their strength and character. if, I guess my question to you around that subject is, how's your relationship with the guilt?

You carry around it?

Oh, it's better now than it was, and I think that's the, main. Kind of thing to take away when you're going through something like this is, you're gonna go through phases, is it's not gonna be, when people, you're literally in the thick of it, right? And you're like at the bottom of the pit and looking up and it seems so far to get to outside of that hole.

it feels really daunting and it feels will anything ever be okay again? You're down there with, all the guilt and the shame and the hurt and the, pressure and all of those things that come with life, but also with trauma and healing and all of that. And, I felt guilty for a long time 'cause I felt like it was, the situation was my fault.

and not so much, it wasn't obviously so much. His actions, because that's all him. I didn't feel any guilt, obviously, like I created the situation by any means. That's not where my guilt came from. that was his choice to act that way and to, take those actions. Make those choices.

Yeah. Yes. But for me, the guilt came from being in a relationship with him, meeting him and marrying him and, obviously it was. It didn't start out that way. It didn't start out as a bad relationship. but things change, right? The further you get into it, the more the mask comes off and things start coming out right?

And the guilt came from staying. and any, anybody you talk to, any EDV victim or survivor that you talk to, the, It's gonna be the same theme throughout. It is, and we get asked this all the time too, is why did you stay? Why are, And that's, when people aren't necessarily educated on, domestic violence and the situation that works, that question comes out a lot.

But, there's guilt there because you stayed, right? You stayed for a certain period of time and some stay longer than others. I will say, as long as you get out, it doesn't matter how long you were, in that situation, good for you. Absolutely. you did the right thing, right? But. There's guilt for staying and not leaving sooner.

There's guilt for, being in the situation where my kids now have this idea of, potentially bad relationships and violence. And, for a long time I kept my kids from it. They didn't witness a lot of the interactions. I was able to protect them from that. But the one particular incident that happened, my kids saw it and it happened in front of them, and that's when it became real for me because I was like, you know what, you, do a lot of justifications and stuff when it's just you, but when you're, for me, my kids are my world and my everything, and so I'm all the decisions that I make and all the things that I do are for my kids.

And so when I'm able to put them in front of me and their wellbeing, it, it it, it became real for me. And that's when I was like, Nope. We're not doing this, they're not gonna witness that happen again. we're not, this is not gonna become a thing where they con constantly see this and potentially where they get involved or they get hurt or, And so that was when it happened for me, when I made that decision to walk away and to leave. and There is guilt because of that, because they, they are now in this situation, my son started having panic attacks, and things after it happened. And so there's guilt with that because it's crap, because I was there and because I was in this situation, now he has this trauma that happened, right?

And now he's having panic attacks and he is in counseling and all these things, and so that was more, it was more the mom guilt. that came into play for me because we always, we as parents, you always wanna do the best and be the best that you can for them. And in that situation, it, felt like I put them in that situation.

I've now worked through that and I don't feel, guilt like that anymore. I more see it as, that was part of our, life and something that happened to us. And, like I said, bad things happen and it just, I didn't have control over that situation. Necessarily. And but you, got to a point to where you actually moved yourself in a position to take care of yourself, to do what you needed to do. you, took the steps, you made the choices. and what I'm hearing you say is that especially around the guilt, which is what I was wondering, what I'm hearing you say is.

It was the grace that you've learned to have for yourself. It was grace that you've learned to have for this situation. everybody's growing through this process. it's when people get stuck, That things get bad and nasty. But, the fact that you're growing through this, your son's growing through this, your daughter's growing through this, That's all. Having grace for yourself and, empowering your situation. So good for you. Kudos to you. That's, thank you. Good job, mom. Thanks. That is a good job. Thanks. so we're gonna we're gonna wrap up here in a minute. but I just wanted to transition real quick that, This is gonna be a funny, question to the listener probably, but I'm gonna be like. How'd you get to be such a geek?

Oh, now, wait, lemme set this up first of all. Okay. So when Clora and I first really kinda started getting together was we were at a networking event and I had, gro Gu From Sar from the Mandalorian Yes. On my mug. And we started talking total geeking out over Star Wars world and universe.

So, how'd you become a geek? It's true. so I don't know. How did you become a geek? I think it was, in my, I was born just a natural nerd. I love Disney, so I've always been a Disney girl, like since I was little. I've always loved it. And obviously, Disney has evolved quite a bit and so we got Star Wars and we got Marvel and so I've always loved that stuff.

I actually attribute some of it to, so my, one of my big brothers, he was an into Ninja Turtles and the superheroes and stuff, and I spent a lot of time and we have a 10 year or nine year age gap. and when I was little, I, he like babysat me a lot and so I grew up around that.

So I've always loved that stuff and I think it, part of it was because of him and I, even I love sports. I, the Broncos, Imma Big Bronco fco Broncos, but like the old school, like Bronco logo, I love, I love the throwback stuff and I, think it is because of my brother or originally, but, I became, I'm like the biggest.

Harry Potter nerd of all time. I'm a Hufflepuff. Go Hufflepuff. and like I, I'm the, in my circles, I'm the go-to person for everybody Attributes, like the correlation between me and Harry Potter. So I just, I don't know. I think it's, it's become something that. Those worlds are so fantastical and like you can escape to them.

And I love Disney World. Like when I love going to Disneyland or Disney World, I'm just like, oh, like I cry when I go because it's just you're just like so immersed in it. And I think it may be because like you just escape reality, for that period of time. And it's just fun And Creative and all of the things that kind of go within. I feel like that's like me at the core is I love, stories and just all of those things, so I don't, I think it just happened one day. and here we are. I'm 35 years later. I'm a big, nerd. I love it. It's, it's, I know what you say, like when you go to those places, Disney World, Disneyland.

I've gotten hooked on Disney World. Yes. but, it, it gives you that illusion of escape. But the, thing is, it is escape in some respects. But is it, it's your reality that you lived that day. it's whatever reality. We actually, that's one, one thing that I love about who Walt Disney has been in this world and what he did.

not only for film. For comic, comic strips, to entertainment parks. believing what's possible. really, let's, go entertain and play with the creativity of what's possible. And it's yeah, it may not be everyday life. It, 'cause like even when we're at Disney, when my wife and I we're at Disney World and you, hear like the.

Child screaming and crying and we're like, it's happiest place on earth. Yeah. Happiest. Yeah. that's our little joke. And, and it, is one of those things where you just fall into it and give yourself that permission. That's what, I think I love about it, is for people who truly understand it, for people who don't.

'cause I know a lot of people who are like, oh yeah, it's. It's a lot of money. You gotta take the kids there and stuff like this. But it's like for the people who really can escape into the creativity that it is, it's about opening up to a different set of possibilities. It's about opening up to, a reality and a different reality, but one that is nurturing, one that's supported.

I had a discussion a couple podcasts ago, or maybe the last podcast, but it was around, Be realistic. Be realistic. and I'm like going, if I had to live in that person's be realistic world They, their world, they'd still be in a cave somewhere because they wouldn't want, we wouldn't have light bulbs, we wouldn't have cars.

We wouldn't, yeah. Because that's all based on creativity. so what were you gonna say? Oh, I was just gonna say, I think it's about too, connecting with your. Inner child as well, right? life. Life is hard. Let's be real. Life sucks right out there in the at times, day to day. Yeah. it can be real, real tough, but when, and there is something so magical about.

Your inner child, if you sit there and watch. And I, so I'm on TikTok and I cry all the time. I'm just like a, I cry at diaper commercials. I'm just like, ah. Because I just, feel, and I was on TikTok yesterday and there were like these Disney videos coming up and it was like, people video, like their recording their kids at Disney, seeing, the characters and you can literally like you see for a, second right through a child's eyes like meeting.

Their favorite princess or mini mouse or something for the first time, and it's just like this awe and this wonder, and it's so special to see, right? The way that they interact or the way that they see. That experience. And I think we lose so much of that, right? As life as we grow and get older, and as life wears us down and we get jaded by all these things.

And I, think being able to connect to those other worlds and those other experiences allow us to Get back to that special kind of magical place that we have as kids. and so I think that's why I love it too, because it feels like you're, you're seeing it through that child's eyes again and it's special and you're able to okay, yes, there's bills and there's all these things that you're taking care of as an adult, whether you're watching a movie or you're going, to a theme park or something, you can take that time to reconnect with.

You know that little kid that's inside you that maybe didn't like when I was a kid, I didn't get to go to Disney and do those things. And especially when you have trauma and things like that, like you're still healing that inner child as well. So I think being able to connect on that level and do those things helped to heal.

That inner child too. But just to reconnect with our most, Profound like little selves. I dunno, I don't know if I worded that but, I, we're, we always, we're always, talking the same vibe and on the same page kind of thing. And, it was years ago, a, friend of mine who.

I was sharing some similar thoughts that you just shared, and it was, the friend said that, even in the Bible, there's a few places where it says that, Jesus has stated that it, is as a child you will come to know God, and it is in that relationship with our child, with our inner child.

Yes. Now. Being in a relationship with your inner child and being childish are two totally different universes. Childish is selfish. indulgent, childlike is, really letting that, that essence, that even if you didn't get it as a kid, it doesn't mean that's not in there. It's in there.

It's, just now your opportunity as an adult to give yourself permission to access it. And one thing I will throw out, real quick, 'cause I've, said this on, a number of occasions with people who are in really dark spots in their world, in their life. And when they're like in the soup and they're struggling really hard, I ask them, so who was it in your life that promised you that every day was gonna be a good day?

Because. I think a lot of times we have bad days, and it's not the fact that we have bad days, that's the problem. It's that we start having judgment about how bad the day is and we start judging it and it's like going, so really it's not the fact that you have a bad day, it's the fact that you took something that wasn't optimal and made it worse, made it raw, made it more, because we get a lot more play in our culture, in our world.

Our trauma and trauma. We do. It's, it, it is such a cultural thing in our world that it's trauma is real. Yeah. But it's I don't know a person who ha who's living life, who hasn't been through trauma. So Definitely it doesn't make you special. it's just how you learn to develop that relationship with your, experience to grow yourself.

That opportunity. and this is. This is really powerful. So thank you for, opening up and sharing that. I love it when we get a talk about Star Wars world and Yeah. I'm like you. I stay open to the creativity. 'cause I remember back when the first Star Wars came out.

they didn't have CGI, they didn't have all this stuff. It. And you and I have gone off a couple times where I'm like, alright, the, Star Wars snobs or the Harry Potter snobs, I'm like going, they're so snobby and I'm like going, let's have a little gratitude because we have the creativity of it, which is powerful.

No, we could talk all day. We've actually gone way, way over than we're supposed to. But, thank you for being so genuine, sharing your business, sharing your personal experience, and, if someone wanted to get ahold of you, how would they get ahold of you? Like for insurance? Yeah. I'm gonna be working with the, keith.insurance agency in Highland Ranch. so I'd be happy to if reach out to Tim or whatever, we could get you my contact information. Okay. but yeah, so so they can shoot me an email and reach if they have questions.

Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, do that. Cool. We will do that. we could keep talking. We probably still will keep talking, but thank you for taking the time and just sharing several, aspects of your life, your business world. Your personal world. Your fantasy world. Yeah. Thanks for, yeah. Thank you for letting me word vomit for an hour.

You, everything you were sharing was just right on, the pulse. It was such good stuff. So thank you very much. Yeah, no problem. Thank you. so for those who are listening, yes, we ran over. thank you for indulging us and I hope you got something outta today. Whatever you do, make sure that you always know that you are powerful.

You have the ability to stand in possibility for yourself, for whatever you find important in this world. Give yourself that grace. Give yourself that love. if you like what we had to share, think someone can benefit from it, please share it. Give us a give us a review, that would be very helpful.

Otherwise, until next time, we are always wishing you all the best. Until then, cheers.