Powerful And Unpolished

Tim: 00:00

Ever wonder why success doesn't always equal fulfillment? I'm Tim Salmons and with 30 years experience as an actor and a career spanning work in the blue collar corporate medical field, as well as public service industries. I've seen and experienced the human condition at its best and worst. Here on powerful and unpolished, we will explore the everyday traps draining our energy and hindering fulfillment. This isn't just another success podcast.

Tim: 00:29

It's about breaking free from patterns that hold you back and limit your potential. Join me on this transformative journey as we explore and identify limiting traps, detach from draining patterns and rediscover the power within, creating a life that is truly powerful and unpolished.

Tim: 00:53

Hello. Good day, and welcome to powerful and unpolished. I'm Tim Salmons. I'm your host. Today, we are going to jump right into a really short but poignant subject matter.

Tim: 01:06

At least, I think it's poignant. Other people might be like, you're crazy, Tim. But, it is pretty powerful and poignant. It's called the art of listening, something that, is a big deal in our world. Usually, if you look at almost any conflict out there, it's caused, it's a part, it's a factor of how someone is listening to someone else or not listening to them.

Tim: 01:38

And so I thought this would be a good subject matter. We're coming into the darkest time of the year here in the northern hemisphere of the planet. And so for us, our days are getting shorter. It's getting darker much longer, and it kind of affects how we live in our lives. Our our time seems to be flying, fleeting, flying by a little bit faster.

Tim: 02:13

And the art of listening the reason why I went to the art of listening is because oftentimes I think when things are darker, we can have a tendency sometimes to sit with ourselves and not really be aware or fully aware of how we're listening. That's why there's an art to it. There is an art to how you're listening. I think, a number of the people that I've known over the years that I've worked with, and a variety, some of them are exceptional listeners, some not not as much. And it's a real gift when we do give ourselves that opportunity to listen, but from many different level levels deeper, levels of awareness, levels of understanding.

Tim: 03:07

So the aspect of listening or or the the perspective of listening I'm gonna go into years ago many years ago, when I was getting my communications degree, one of the there was a model. There was this official model around, communication and that what it introduced to us was this concept that between a 2 person conversation, there were actually 6 different conversations taking place. So there were 6 different perspectives or entities that were all part of the conversation between 2 individuals. So bear with me. I'm gonna try to articulate this so it makes some sort of sense.

Tim: 03:58

So you have 2 people who are talking to each other. That right there is one exchange. Each person has their own, perspective of the conversation that's happened across from the other person. Then at that same time while that's going on, the person, either one of them, is having a conversation with their interpretation of what the other person is meaning, what their intent is, what they're sharing. So not only are we listening to the words and the exchanges and our own, you know, references, we're also trying to understand where they're coming from and so we're we're working to listen to that perspective that they're sharing that's not like ours.

Tim: 05:01

So that right there, you have 4 different perspectives. You have the 2 people talking to each other, 2 individuals, 2 perspectives. You have their interpretation of each other, 2 more perspectives. The final two perspectives in this model are our own interpretation of ourselves as we're communicating with the person across from us. As these two individuals are communicating across from each other, not only are we trying to figure out what their intent is, we're also internally having our own conversation about our own intention is is my concept, is my idea, is the information I'm sharing being received, is it being received in the fashion that I'm hoping or intending for it to be received.

Tim: 05:55

So, obviously, in a 2 person conversation, there's a lot of perspectives that start to come into play that we often never even consider. Wait. It's it's not part of our awareness. It's just what is happening or taking place in the background. So imagine what happens when we put in a 3rd person or a 4th person.

Tim: 06:18

We kind of start to jostle around and, you know, some people start to communicate on a more shallower level because they don't wanna deal with having to manage that much and not really understanding that they they are trying to manage more information. Have you ever had it where you're you're meeting with someone and you just have this real connection with them and it's easy to go a little bit deeper? It's easy to go to a more of a a connected, relatable interaction or exchange, and you feel heard on a deeper level, you feel connected on a deeper level, that's part of the fact of we've kinda just gotten into the natural flow of that listening whereas when we're oftentimes in a group, sometimes it depends on the, elements of the group, sometimes a group can go deep. Oftentimes, it can only go so deep because people don't don't realize that they wanna get that investor, that involved. They wanna move on to the next concept.

Tim: 07:32

They wanna keep it light. They wanna keep it moving forward. So that's just something to consider that comes into play when we're dealing with this concept of listening. I would ask anybody out there that's listening right now, if you are listening, no, I would ask anybody out there who's listening right now, have you ever been speaking to someone or have you been someone that's been someone's been talking to you? Well, you're hearing what they're saying, but you're kinda just waiting for your turn to talk.

Tim: 08:09

It's not uncommon. The subject matter has been out there for years, for many years around the communication circles that oftentimes people get a little bit of information and then they wait until there's a break in the speaking so that they can then insert their point, their perspective. So they oftentimes or we oftentimes, we shut down our listening because we really someone said something, it hit a point, and I'm just waiting because I wanna come back to that point. It's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just not a very deep, constructive interaction because we're we're basically speaking to be heard rather than listening.

Tim: 09:01

Another thing that comes into play when we're really working off of somebody, when we're really engaging with someone, are you listening for more than just information? Because people process through many, many different layers and and and perspectives. And are you listening to how this person processes? Maybe maybe the opportunity is to not only listen to what's being said, but oftentimes what's more powerful is when you listen to what's not being said, to the indicators that they're putting out. And sometimes these folks may not even know it, but that's what they're wanting you to listen to.

Tim: 09:58

That's what they're wanting you to pick up. But oftentimes, they may be afraid of being exposed, being vulnerable. It might be a pattern of how they communicate, so that's another factor that comes into play. Plus, each and every one of us processes not only our lives and our world, but also how we communicate, we process in very different ways. Some people process through talking.

Tim: 10:30

You know, I mean, they may be one of those people who talks a lot and it takes a lot to sit, hang in there and listen to them for an extended period of time. But if you understand that this is how they're processing, it's helping them to kind of figure it out as they go along. That's their style or form of processing. Other people are maybe feelers, maybe feeling where they bring it in and they sit with it and they don't talk as much, you know, and we love these titles in this world and, oh, let me do this personality, you know, exploration. What little cubby hole can you put me in?

Tim: 11:06

Oh, I'm extroverted. Oh, I'm introverted. I'm I'm shy. I'm outgoing. I'm whatever it is.

Tim: 11:14

I'm intellectual, you know, I'm conceptual, is it what these are all great little understandings for ourselves, but it's not something to get stuck on. It's just an awareness of, you know, how how do I process? And then how are the people around me processing? And people process differently. And are you listening on a deep enough level to adjust per the person you're engaged with, that you're connected with, that you're sharing space with at that moment, at that time.

Tim: 11:52

That's the key element because a lot of times too, I mean, the feelers may they may still be talking, but they're coming more from an essence of feeling. The talkers may be coming more from an essence of information and exploration, and then you may have nonverbals out there that are really just they're feeling, but they're processing their thoughts and everything without speaking. And maybe they're just waiting to be asked certain questions that might actually spark a little bit deeper in their in how they're processing their world. So there's there's many, many things going on here, and a lot of them, what I what I call them is their filters. These filters help to keep us moving forward, help to keep us comfortable, help to keep us in expectations of ourselves and the world around us in expectation for who we are.

Tim: 13:00

So the filters aren't always bad. They have a tendency to sort of streamline and keep us protective in in however we function in our world, but oftentimes, these filters that initially came out to be a good thing start getting in our way. So the art of listening is, do you have the ability and strength to be vulnerable enough to truly listen to someone else for where they are. Going back real quick, you know, to what's being said and what's not being said, also listen for the assumptions that are being inserted into the conversation and listen to yourself going back to that 6 perspective model between 2 people having a conversation. What are your assumptions?

Tim: 13:56

We all have them. You're having them right now. You have a dialogue going on in your head as you're listening to me babble on and talk here and share these ideas and pontificate, and it's okay. I mean, it's like but it's really a key factor to learn how to be in relationship with the conversation that's going on in the back of your head, but it's not running the show. More times than not, it is running the show and we think it's not, but it's the biggest influencer in your space.

Tim: 14:30

So when you give yourself the chance, listen to how you're listening to yourself. Listen to how you're listening to others. Ask yourself quality questions. Ask others quality questions. When you're asking these questions, ask them from a place of not just gathering information, but ask them go a little bit deeper.

Tim: 15:07

Ask them questions to understand. What is their struggle? What is their current situation? What are their challenges? What are their strengths that they may not even know that they have?

Tim: 15:27

Oftentimes people the reason why we have a tendency or what I've noticed over the years, the reason why we have a tendency to talk more than we listen is because we really need some validation. And that doesn't matter whether you're CEO, president of the corporation, of the company, marketing, sales, whatever. If you're just speaking to be validated, I would venture to say the majority of the conversation that's going on is between you and your internal perspective, not so much the world around you. So give this a practice, you know, I mean, I'm sort of introducing this, there's many there's much more than this, I mean, I've only been talking for 15 minutes, but there is science around all of this information But even outside of science, I mean, that's one thing that I'm really, you know, great. We have these facts.

Tim: 16:37

We have evidence for proof. What if you didn't have evidence for proof and it still was factual? Like, I don't need to know a fact when I have an experience of a fact, if that makes any sense. And so in these circles of science, there's there's a lot of evidence, there's a lot proof, there's a lot of wisdom and awareness out there or information, I should say, in awareness because wisdom comes from application. I would ask yourself, if you're listening from a point of validation, then that's an opportunity for insight for yourself to start exploring why you need validation from the outside world.

Tim: 17:27

If you can start to honor yourself, grow yourself, give yourself the space to not be perfect, this could absolutely help you be a better listener. Because once we shed some of that need or hunger for validation, and I've been guilty of it too, but once we shed that and we stand in a presence where we can honor someone else who's trying to communicate with us or we're trying to connect and elicit quality information from them, how we do that is from the foundation of how we're listening, where we come from. Am I listening to honor this person on levels that they know and levels that they may not know? Am I asking quality questions, or is it typical social banter? Nothing wrong with social banter at all.

Tim: 18:31

Just know that it's, you know, for the most part, surface y, that's what the purpose is. It's just moving things along, moving in the space. So to be able to have the dynamic of, you know, functioning and interacting on a surface level where we're able to engage, have fun, interact, all this kind of stuff while still honoring the depth that exists not only within us, but all those around us will open us up to a greater possibility of connection, a greater possibility of influence. This is something that leaders in countries and, you know, this mindset that, a victim mentality and I have to protect myself, so we're gonna go to war, you know, that's, that's a big price to pay for not listening very well and it goes both ways, it's on all sides and so that's why there are some true leaders, really exceptional embodied leaders that are about getting focused on the connection and not about validating their ego to justify whatever actions they take or don't take. So that's just on the spectrum.

Tim: 19:57

That's like on a world, you know, countries sort of spectrum, but it goes down to the individual. And so, you know, we're working the gamut here. We're we're talking about the whole spectrum that human beings live in day in, day out, that we function in and process in day in and day out. So the big question is is are you willing to practice the art of listening and see how things show up? Are you willing to be aware of the different filters and layers that are available, not only to you, but that you witness in other people?

Tim: 20:34

And when you witness it in other people, don't step on a landmine and tell them what their filters or their issues are. Then you're really not listening. That's still about you. But when you can witness it in them, maybe you can ask questions that will help. Like, wow, that sounds like that really concerns you.

Tim: 20:57

What's the fear there? Is that fear familiar? Is this a common state that you've experienced? Like, there's a variety of areas to have real questions and real conversations and real connected conversations. So this gives you a little bit of something to play with.

Tim: 21:20

There there there's a lot more to it, but these are just general overview concepts with a couple little drop down plunges through the filters, through the layers to explore. So ultimately, around the art of listening is how is somebody processing, how are their filters, how are they processing, what's being said, what's not being said, what are the various number of different perspectives that are going on, the situations, the other people that are in the situation as well as myself, and ask quality questions to truly connect and learn about other people and ask yourself, challenge yourself. Am I coming from a place of validation and righteousness? Because if that's the case, then you're not really listening very well. And when that does happen, that's usually when we're listening just to respond.

Tim: 22:20

So so for what this is worth, I hope this helps you. I hope this is insightful. I hope it gives you something to pull apart a little bit, maybe explore a little deeper and take deeper for yourself. As we go into the darker next few weeks, as as the days get shorter, just remember this is an opportunity to not only relish the darkness, a lot of people run from it, but relish the darkness and shine your light. Remember that who you are and the energy that flows through you is a light, is a magnetism, is a gift to this world as well as yourself.

Tim: 23:07

So if you found this useful, please hit the like button, if there is a like button. I don't know. I'm assuming there is. But if you're on, like, Spotify or Apple Podcasts and this is useful, please give us a, you know, a nice little thumbs up review, you know, say, hey, great job or, you know, what's up with that? But if you're willing to do that, that would be wonderful and also, you know, if somebody else you think might like this, turn them on, do it.

Tim: 23:39

We try to be a little quirky and weird here, but we like to go deep too. So until next time, I wish you all the best. Stay, stay warm out there in the world. Of course, some of you may live in more employments, but, where I'm at, it's about 19 degrees. So until next time, wishing you all the best.

Tim: 24:00

Cheers.

Tim: 24:02

Thanks for joining me today. If you've resonated with any of the stories or insights shared today, don't forget to hit that subscribe button. Your support means the world, so feel free to share your thoughts using hashtag powerful and unpolished podcast. Until next time, stay powerful, stay unpolished.